Blogging on the Block Day 5

Today was an awful rainy day. I really don't like to get out in rain, but I did anyway. The MIL had a therapist appointment and we had to go. Her therapist is usually half and hour late, but today she was only 5 minutes. We all felt like going into shock. These sessions are supposed to allow my MIL get all her pent up frustrations out, but that never happens. She tries to pretend nothing is ever wrong and that she's just as normal as a the rain coming down. She never wants to talk about what's really bothering her, what she's mad about, or her feelings on anything. She usually ends up pissed off at me because I tell on her for sneaking a smoke or throwing a fit. If I don't say anything the therapist always asks if we've been fighting. We really don't fight, sometimes we are both just so headstrong that we both want to be right. She doesn't like it when I clean, cook, do laundry, or anything. She says I'm too picky. My house is by no means spotless, but I wish.

Well, I didn't tell on her for smoking today, she hasn't as far as I know. She didn't even mention the fit I threw on the Monday before the 1st. Trust me, she remembers it because she hid her smokes so good she can't find them. I did throw one heck of a fit. Don't get me wrong, I don't smoke, I used to 17 years ago, my mother smokes and I don't like it. My oldest son smokes and my best friend, I don't like it either, but they are old enough to decide for themselves and I do tell them they should quit, but sometimes I'd love to have one myself.

The Sunday before we got word that the lady we held a festival for the year before passed away. A lovely woman who had severe COPD and has been on oxygen for a couple of years. Anyway, recently she and her husband both became very ill, they were both in the hospital and being moved to a nursing home. He took care of her, and he had to have a leg taken off, and they decided to go into a nursing home together. They went to the nursing home on Friday, and Saturday she had to be rushed back to the hospital, and passed away on Sunday. My MIL was very close with them, they ran a deli here locally for years, now their grandson runs it. She's known them for 65 years, and it hurt her terribly when she heard the lady passed away. I can understand that. So Sunday when we got the call she fell to pieces.

On Monday, her niece and aunt came to visit. I thought it was very nice and was thrilled that they had come to see her. When they left I went to get ready to go to town. My MIL was going with me, and the boy. I heard the back door close and came out of my bedroom to see what was going on. My son told me she had to go out to the car to get something from her niece. So I go out, she was pulling out of the drive way and my MIL was putting something in her pocket trying to hide it from me. Well, I saw that it was a pack of smokes. My temper got the best of me, she knows the doctor told her she didn't need to smoke at all. She hasn't smoked in 8 months, and now she wants to start sneaking and smoking again. I was especially peeved that the doctor had just increased her inhaler the last time we were there because of her wheezing. So I flew off the handle and told her off good. I asked her if she was going to start sneaking and smoking again, and she told me it was none of my business. That was the wrong thing to say.

I pulled my suitcase out, put it in the dining room and I went to spouting off everything she'd done to drive me nuts since Thanksgiving, and I proceeded to tell her just how I felt about her childish pouting and this was the last straw. I was tired of running her to the doctors just so she could let it go in one ear and out the other, I was tired of cleaning poop and pee out of the bathroom floor, wiping down every surface of my house with bleach spray because she wouldn't wash her hands, and how tired I was of cleaning up her sticky messes that she leaves all over the house, and I proceeded to tell her how I'm over her pissy fits she has when she doesn't get her way. I told her I could tell when she was playing at not remembering and when she really couldn't remember, because I can after 5 years. And then I told her, after I packed my suitcase, which is still in the dining room, that if she so much as lit up I was out of there. I didn't have to stay there and watch her kill herself, and that if she thought she had it rough now to just wait til she had to drag that air tank around.

Then we went to town, and she tried to pet my feelings the rest of the day. She hid that pack of smokes, and now she can't find them and she won't name it. I told the hubby about my fit, and why. She doesn't know he knows she has them or that I told him about having a fit on her.

I know my MIL is sick, I know she has Alzheimer's, but for the most part she is sane. She has COPD, suffers from depression, bipolar, and manic depressive. I know these things all too well. Each day is a trial, each day is a battle of wits, but she fakes a lot of it for attention, she pulls tricks like a little kid and she can also be quite an actress.

Right now my MIL and hubby are talking about the newspaper articles, the layoffs at Goody's and Searay's, drug raids, and property taxes. They've been talking for 3 hours about people in the area, who owns what, who bought what, who is married to who and so on. But in an hour, she'll pull the "I don't know why I get so nervous, my jaw just hurts, and can I have a pain pill." Because she took her last one for the day at 7 pm. She's only allowed 3 a day, and she knows it, but she'll ask anyway.

Well, I didn't mean to turn this into a "What a fit I threw" day, but that's what came out when I sat down here to type. Sometimes you just have to go with what comes out.

Jody, I'll get some pictures of the calves tomorrow. Might even have a new one by then. Goodnight!